That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
