I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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