i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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