i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
