Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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