Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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