dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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