I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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