I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
