I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
