dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
