I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
