Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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