Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
