Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
