you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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