is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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