So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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