Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
