cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
