I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
