If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
