Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
