he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
