dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
