I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
