the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I need a burrito and a hug.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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