She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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