Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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