Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
