Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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