Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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