your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
