So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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