Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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