Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
