Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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