id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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