Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize