so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
