My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
