I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
