Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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