it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
