I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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