In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
