you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
