We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
