My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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