so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
