Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize