is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
