just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize