The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
