What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
