Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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