i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
