I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
