I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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