ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
