I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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