Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
