cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
