im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Screwed.edu
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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