Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
