Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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