is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
