I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
