Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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