The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
