The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
